To Hell

I loved you, grease-slicked hair and navy button-up, cigarette between teeth, sweating off your love for me over someone else's balcony.

I had too much wine and couldn't keep my eyes off you that night. Fuck it all to hell.

I loved you, middle and ring finger sliding into me, my legs stretched wide in the passenger seat.

I slipped in two fingers and moved them along with you. You lost it right then. Fuck it all to hell.

I loved you, in front of a display of erotic birds by the bay. The blue one with a monstrous beak stared daggers into my soul, gave us the creeps.

We forgot our names, held hands, laughed and threw fries at waddling pigeons. Fuck it all to hell.

I loved you, high out of my mind, you by my side, watching a documentary about planets that fuck and collide.

He was in the room with us, too, forgotten. We forget everyone. Fuck it all to hell.

I loved you, two games into an Indiana Jones pinball match, two chrome balls stuck that wouldn't catch.

We tipped the machine backward, you won a couple more rounds. We cheated. Fuck it all to hell.

I loved you, under the moon, an infinite finite night, lips stuck to each other like glue.

We made promises and plans, touched scars, made maps. We had to get back. Fuck it all to hell.

I loved you first.

I loved you then.

I love you now, alone and broken, aware of time, you always on my mind.

It's gonna stay like this, but fuck it all to hell.